Cultivating an environment that promotes true self-worth
Food is simple. Well it should be. It should be as simple as brushing your teeth or having a shower. However…unfortunately more often than not, it just isn’t that simple.
There are many points one could discuss regarding this topic but for this post, I’m going to focus on ‘food relationship’.
What is ‘food relationship’? Simply, it’s your relationship with food. Food means something different for everyone and thus will be defined differently. But, whatever that definition is, they’re going to have either a positive or negative view regarding food.
Let’s say you have a negative food relationship. This relationship was fraught with difficulties from start. What’s the term these days? ‘Almonds mum's’. A hilarious term but in some cases, accurate!
Ok, so this hypothetical person grew up with diet culture (e.g. almond mum) in their home environment and as an adult, has continued the traditional by communicating these same learnt views to the world around them. It’s a vicious cycle.
Did you know that children and adolescences are on average at an age most susceptible to acquiring an eating disorder.
Note: although eating disorders can occur at any age, there is a greater prevalence among young people, with the average age of onset between 12 and 25 years (1) and body dissatisfaction beginning as early as 5 and 7 years (2).
Does anyone find themselves commenting on a person’s appearance way too much?!
Adults, think about your typical conversation with children. Does the following sound familiar?
“Look at your pretty dress!”
“Don’t you look stylish today!”
“You look so cool!”
The child then glances down to look at what they’re wearing, smiles, maybe does a twirl or strikes a superman pose… they look instantly gratified and disturbingly accepted.
These are typical statements many of us would use and each one wreaks of appearance.
Don’t get me wrong, we all like to look and feel our best but, why do we have this excessive tendency towards promoting appearance.
Is it perhaps our overexposure to advertising and media, excessive amounts of prime position mirrors in houses, dolls with hour glass figures and bulging muscles, the excessive comments we receive daily on appearance or our conversations overemphasising appearance - “does this make me look fat?” “everyone will notice I’ve gained weight!” “can you see my pimples?” “should I get fillers?” “can you tell I haven’t been to the gym for a while?”
If this is our conversation as adults, then unfortunately, children, being like sponges, are watching, listening and soaking up of all our insecurities.
It’s a little disturbing when mid-conversation you look down only to notice a child has stopped what they are doing and are now looking at you, processing, deducting.
Studies show that even when children aren’t noticeably listening (i.e. playing with toys), they are still listening.
We all have insecurities, that’s normal but, when these are taking centre stage in our lives, then it’s time to re-assess.
A useful tool is to check your conversation regarding food, physical appearance, body image and self-esteem.
Frequently terming foods as ‘good’, ‘bad’, ‘healthy’ and ‘unhealthy’, constant talk of dieting, eating plans, losing weight and exercise routines, scolding yourself for eating ‘badly’, commenting on others food choices, discussion of the latest eating trends, frequent commenting on appearance, and the list goes on.
We are teaching children, as we reinforce to ourselves, that self worth is dependent on the way we look and what we eat.
What should we be doing instead?
Let’s rewire our conversation, thinking and behaviours to reflect a self-worth that is of substance and separate from food and appearance.
Some practical considerations:
Be aware of your conversation around food, dieting, weight and appearance.
Be aware of any negative self-talk (e.g. complaining about body parts you don’t like) and discussion around appearance (your own body and others).
Be aware of media messages and images emphasising appearance ideals.
Consider unhelpful thoughts, attitudes and behaviours practised, e.g. checking appearance at every opportunity (mirrors, window reflections, before and after photos, etc.).
Avoid labelling foods as ‘good’, ‘bad’, ‘healthy’ and ‘unhealthy’.
Avoid dieting and instead practise intuitive eating and mindful eating - listening to hunger and satiety cues.
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(1) Volpe U, Tortorella A, Manchia M, Monteleone AM, Albert U, Monteleone P. (2016) Eating disorders: What age at onset? Psychiatry Research. April, 225-227. Retrieved from: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/27086237/ .
(2) Evans, E.H., Toveeb, M.J., Boothroyd, L.G., and Drewetta, R.F. (2013). Body dissatisfaction and disordered eating attitudes in 7- to 11-year-old-girls: Testing a sociocultural model, Body Image. 10(1), 8-15. Retrieved from: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/23137857/ .